the muse has left the building........

well, dear readers (yes both of you)
I havnt really added to this blog very much of late because I am finding life to be singularly uninteresting. I'm back at work two and a half days a week, and the harder I work, the more bills I seem to get,(massive power bill, broken washing machine, heaps car repairs, broken tooth, etc etc etc,,,,,) and the sicker the baby And I seem to get. In the space of a few months, we've had projectile vomiting (Min) , blocked eustachian tube (ear) me, a cold & sinussy thing that took the nest of 3 weeks to go away, and today Min came home with a green crusty eye. I give up. I really just want to stop doing everything outside the house and just cocoon us both and eat good things and catch up on sleep and exercise and good food and funny movies and soul enriching books. But......
As I am a working class single parent with bills to pay , none of this is an option. I need a break. I feel like running away. I am constantly tired. Help!

July 2008 Babies on Circle of Moms

a drunken hazard...email trawling....

Oh well, if anybody's interested I thought it was pretty flipping funny. But then I am a bit drunk, so bear with me.........

(approx a year ago):
hi Betty,
glad to hear all sounds good, was a little worried things had crashed & burned with boy (goddamn I've forgotten his name, not that's that's a rare thing these days..)YES you have to make all the decisions, its a female only chromosome didnt you know........anyway , it would be worse if you were both leaders . Dont make for a very comfy dance sometimes. I am practising being assuaging and "yes dearish " & it seems to work sometimes. Of course once Miv is born & am a hormonal leaky banshee with no cash it will be a different story. and god help him if he tries to tell me what to do during birth!! Am having a partylites show thingy at mine at 2pm saturday week, Mel said you were into candles and I'm going to have am crack at working for myself again doing them, they look & smell gorgeous, anyway come along & havesome wine & cheese (the demo lady's name is Cinnamon, isnt that cool............) Dept of justice hey? Cool. What doing? I am really over work, would like to pack it all in and just read in bed all day but money situation wouldnt work....... they increased my hours again too so better stick it out until I reeeally cant function any more. Went to the bank to plead poverty & see if I could get some of my super back, forms , forms & more forms......

Mum is down for a few days on Monday , have been really resentful & woe is me in regards to having little support lately so she will probably cop a guilt trip or three, that or she'll decide its time to kidnap me again and I will head north for a while. would have to board the kitty though, which she hates...........she's getting a bit stressed since I started playing her cds with screaming baby noises on them to adjust her and wee'd in my beanbag. (the cat , that is, not Mum)
NOT IMPRESSES!!!

cars and the falling apart nature of things

Well the trip didnt exactly go as planned. But then, nothing has of late, so am not terribly surprised about that. The baby got sick (REALLY sick...projectile vomiting the poor little munchkin), we missed the party, and the car decided it needs a new alternator that I can ill afford right now. I've only just forked out $320 for a new windscreen from the last attempt at returning to work when some bastard sideswiped my car which I'd parked outside the childcare centre after abandoning it for the day due to the presence of a large hunstsman I wasnt prepared to share the commute to work with....NOW THE FUCKING ALTERNATOR NEEDS REPLACING!!(Excuse the french but the car goddesses have turned a blind eye of late)
I just cant seem to break even, let alone get ahead these days.
Still. I am grateful for: Having a devoted father for Min who is prepared to mollycoddle her back to good health when she is poorly, my beautiful accomodating and concerned mother who refuses to send me off in any danger and with a beautifully packed lunch for the trip home at the ripe old age of 32 and who I wish lived closer, that Spence is a year older, regardless of whether we could help him celebrate or not, that we are alive to see gorgeous , perfect cobwebs on a misty
Winter morning, that we have good books to read, music to listen to and a warm house to come home to, that I can have a laugh at work with another fabulous single mum and side splitting stories of her terribly bright four year old.....

Life could be so much worse. Happy solstice, all.

its life jim, but not as we know it.......

Well life moving onwards ever slowly. Am up at 2.30 in the morning contemplating dishes and washing, housework getting on top of me....nothing new there then! Worked two days this week, Wednesday and Friday, and having to be up by 6.15am and not getting home in the tassie mid winter until 5ish is slightly depressing. Still, it had to happen. and much better than the attempted graveyard shift and friday night chaos which I discovered I wasnt up to at all quite quickly. Was ok when I was a carefree single gal who lived three blocks away from work, not quite so workable now.
I have dicovered the joys of Facebook and re connected with quite a few old friends/lovers/artistic collaborators which has been fun. Good distraction from my now quieter and emptier house since Linds has been gone.
Have almost registered with mersey leven in home care to become ...ahem...an in home carer...should just about adequately supplement the income and possibly eventually replace current brainless unchallenging and too far away job, and utilise already gained skills and interests. also have enrolled part time in distance learning through curtain uni to do primary school teaching. the next study period doesnt start until the end of august and is only two subjects per semester so will take four years all going well and is flexible re starting and stopping for life events (and lord knows I always seem to attract my fair share of major life disruptions!!)
Tommorrow we pack up and head north for little Spencer Best's 1st birthday and naming day celebrations (his mum Mel and I were celebrating our very pregnant bellies together at a baby shower about this time last year, so will be a nice little milestone hopefully!) He's a delightful wee sprite and I look forward to knowing his Mum & seeing him & Min get to know each other as they grow up. Also looking forward to some quality out -of -the -house time with the Revered Nanna in Devonport for a couple of days and a Aztec chilli hot choccy at Anvers in Latrobe, and catching up with a friend in Carrick and her three gorgeous sprites. There are SOME good things about winter in Tassie!!

the great ongoing saga

Couldnt do it. Just couldnt subject myself to the constant presence of another adult (& messy and financially precarious one at that). Should have trusted my instincts and learned from my mistakes but a dream is a hard thing to shake, I guess. Anyway. Min is still here and still gorgeous and engaging, is finally saying "Mum mum" yes!!!
we are housed fed clothed and supported and for now, that's all that counts. And the pressure valve can now be released re trying to afford a wedding when we're on the breadline. psshhhhtttt!
a very sleep deprived photo as minerva woke me twice last night and no daddy to do the feed since i've sent him back to the underworld... hard to get a good pic anymore as min has a pavlovian screw up her face reaction to the flash and I havnt figured out how to turn it off yet....bugger.

moving on in......

Well it was too good to last! Minnie mouse has slept through the last three nights with nary a sqwawk but tonight has woken up and drained a bottle at 1.30 am. Guess it was my turn to do it, Linds having been a veritable domestic God today taking care of her whilst I snored away Tuesday night's return to the all night radio room shift. I'd forgotten just how hard it was to stay awake. The usual call from the police regarding local armed robbery, me forgetting how to do the prospects for the drivers, the 4.30am scramble to make sure we have enough cars for bookings etc.
I am still job hunting (seems to be a habit , really) as tommorrow our household will number three with the arrival of Linds and his stuff, and the inevitable scramble to feed us all and keep up with the bills on meagre centrelink benefits and 16 hours work a week does not sound like a great option to me.
Linds is pretty much unskilled apart from the art of loungeroom guitaring and cab driving , so unfortunately it is up to me to breadwin, at least for the time being, anyway. It doesnt really sit that easily, but what can you do? At least he is wonderful with Minerva, and me, and happy to care for her whilst I go gallavanting off to work/interviews, and , one hopes, some creative or academic type endeavors quite soon (I will die of worker droneism shortly, otherwise)
I have never actually cohabited before so that is also going to present a different set of circumstances for me.
The new owner of upstairs has timely commenced renovations (ripping up carpet and lino and angle grinding outside my bedroom window) the same week I have returned to shiftwork and havnt the tradies been receiving some deadly looks of late!! We are hoping it will all be completed by next week and the hive will return to its more orderly buzz. Mum arrives on Saturday and leaves Monday, and will have to navigate around all the stuff we've just moved in . I am so over this week already.
Oh, & my girl has finally got the hang of crawling. It still shocks me that I can put her down & will turn around and see her edging ever closer. Walking wont be far away. Where did my little baby go ??!!