Oh, questions, I have so many of them!!

It has occured to me on numerous occasions that relationships are getting very complicated. First, the whole traditional courtship thing seems to have gone right out the window. I'm not sure when this happened, or how, but I'm not sure its such a great thing. It seems along with every other sphere of our life, we assume we can just pursue the type of relationship we want and that it will be available to us. In experience, however, it seems that having any expectations of the way your significant other should behave towards you whatsoever seem to lead to disappointment.
I guess like most little girls I grew up believing that I'd meet some lovely man who would be attentive and romantic and sweep me off my feet & that I'd end up married and have a family, and for some, this actually seems to work. Not for me, and for several other close female acquaintances.
Apparently we tend to attract people similar to ourselves, and so far my main longish term relationships have been with fairly intense, artistically driven people with a definite lazy streak when it comes to the whole mechanics of a traditional relationship, ie asking for dates, gift giving.
They either faff around not knowing whether they even want a relationship in the traditional sense or just wait passively for it!! Is this laziness/ambivalence inherent in the men of my generation? Have their mothers spoilt them so badly that they think that they need not make any effort whatsoever for things to happen for them and that someone should be looking after them for them to be of any value whatsoever? How did this happen? When did women becaome a commodity ? (Yes , I know, raving feminist rant ahead!)
It almost sounds like a complete role reversal from the 50's...interesting. Or maybe its because I unconsciously attract these kind of needy men and then go about filling the void to prove that I am wanted and needed.
So what SHOULD I be doing? Any ideas appreciated!!